Sleepless No More (I Hope)

How is everyone doing? Its going great (Baruch HaShem!) over here. The girls have had a really rough time transitioning back to their normal sleep patterns after our trip to Israel. We've been back for two months now so it isn't like we are rushing it or asking for some incredible feat from them. Aba and I have been going bonkers lately, though. Its been so difficult that I've caught myself heading back to late-nights and grumpy mornings fueled by dark coffee with a lot of sugar.

I was re-reading No-Cry Sleep Solution but it just felt so hard. The girls are older and while it seems like a good idea to head back to the NCSS things that worked before, but would turn the house into a battleground which is never a good thing. Then I came across Sleepless in America by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka . I've already read (and adored) her book Raising Your Spirited Child Rev which has helped immensely so I grabbed this book and started reading. I'm only about 75% done and already implementing ideas. And they are working!

The main things I've taken away so far are to make sleep a priority, eliminate tension triggers for all of us, create a routine with well-defined transition activities, and the be aware when there are things going on that will make sleep difficult.

The most difficult thing I'm coming up against is that Chaya seems to be a night owl while Batya and Shira are morning larks. They share a room and often Chaya is with me in the morning so she gets woken earlier than she'd like. This leads to grumpiness. I'm working with her sisters to be quieter in the morning and trying to get Chaya to rest and possibly sleep earlier in the evening. My ultimate goal is to get all of them to meet in the middle since separate bedrooms aren't in our foreseeable future.

Next up? Naps and siestas. The girls haven't napped in a couple years because it took longer to get them to sleep than they slept. According to the book, naps should be required through 5 years. After that siestas should be used and they are good for parents, too! This is where I expect difficulty simply because it is right in the middle of the day and we are often on the road or just finishing something up. That's actually why I'm going with a siesta over a nap. I believe it will give us more flexibility.

We'll see how that goes and how the rest of the week shapes up! Mind you, I've only been implementing these things since Friday afternoon.

I Needed That.

Yesterday was the first time I thought, "I don't like my children. They are obnoxious, mean, hurtful, violent brats and I don't want to be around them." It was a hard thing to say or hear but something that needed to be said and heard.

I know a lot of this is from our colds. This is the first time in a long time that everyone has been sick at the same time. So we are all grumpy from coughing and congestion. No one is sleeping particularly well and everyone is going stir-crazy in the house. The upside is that we didn't stagger our colds so once we are better, we are better.

Still I find myself automatically reaching for those standbys of threats and anger which just seems to exacerbate the situation. Those are also techniques I don't believe are particularly useful or appropriate with young children. But it is sort of what you do when you are stuck in line at the post office and your kids are screeching and running in front of people and say, "no," when you ask them to stop or stay by you. That it doesn't work particularly well is beside the point.

So I went back to my books. Those reads that help me through rough spots, remind me why I'm parenting the way I am and give me the tools to succeed. One of those books is Hold On To Your Kids by Gordon Neufeuld. There is a website based on his work and on that site is an excellent article titled "Why Children Say No!"

Dare I say that that article was just what I needed. It confirmed my feelings that the way I was handling things was adding to the chaos. My children are normal kids who are acting out of the disconnection and turmoil in the house right now. The solution is simple, easy and waiting for me.

So now I'm going to go collect my girls and connect with them over a cup of coffee (for me) and cocoa (for them) and an episode of Scooby Doo.

Please comment on yesterday's post with links to your favorite blogs. I want to fill up my reader!

Our First Family Meeting

I've read in a few books about the benefits of having regular family meetings. They seemed nice and I thought we would do that...when the girls were older. Last week I was reading T. Berry Brazelton's Touchpoints: 3 to Six and he mentions that four is a great time to start family meetings. 

I spent a while trying to figure out what should be included in a meeting. At four the girls aren't able to discuss ways to cut the budget or if we can bump down our cell phone minutes. Those are things Ima and Aba have to decide among ourselves.

Instead I focussed on things the girls already do and just formalized them.

Each girl is in charge of picking up one type of item before bed.

Each girl is in charge of feeding one set of pets.

Ima and Aba have two jobs to do before bed.

You are responsible if your job isn't done. You can ask for and give help. You can do more. In one month (marked on the calendar) we will meet again and pick new jobs and pets to care for.

They were already very excited about it and kept asking to add more jobs to their list and wanting to help.

We'll see how they feel about it tomorrow night when they have to pick up their things.